Dying during dialup

Gasp, choke! I'm mad enough to have a stroke! It only took me two hours to read my email today, with DIALUP!
The whispering grapevine assures True that We are not the only one. Dialup is slow and would you believe, getting slower. Everybody says so. Boreal says that the quality of the phone line determines the quality of your dialup. And it's an open secret that Qwest phone lines in Cook County are the worst. True in fact has a phone line a couple of inches above the ground which is often tripped by passing deer or other critters.
Two things:
1) You can pay for Wi-Fi at the library and a few other sites sponsored by Boreal. OR, you can connect for free at Neptune's Cyber Cafe, next door to the coop. That's right, FREE. It would be nice of you to indulge in one or two of John's lovely lattes and chai and fruit smoothies, not to mention delectable treats from Lola's Sweet Life Bakery, while you blessedly check you email and watch U Tube. It would be poor manners indeed to bring your own coffee.
2) Broadband access in the United States is very limited compared with other so-called civilized nations. This is mostly due to the Repug philosophy that if you can't afford it you don't deserve it, reinforced by huge new expenses to local governments thanks to the "No new taxes" of P-lenty for the Rich and the neocon nuts who still rule Washington.... So, rural Cook County can't afford to invest in broadband, and only the locals lucky enough to spring for satellite or cable can compete in the 21st century economy. Or, pay $3.00 per hour at the library.
True is just a lowly journalist, a "stringer" as they used to call it. In any big city this wouldn't really matter that much. But he can't run a competitive business from home while waiting.... and waiting... and waiting.... zzzzzzz